It's hard to believe that I've been married for six months today. It's even harder to believe that today was originally supposed to be my wedding, and instead, I'm just about to hit my two month mark in Iraq. I'm more bitter today than normal but I guess that goes with the territory. I figure I'm allowed to have an off day.

My family is in northern New York today, attending a formal funeral for my grandfather, who is finally being laid to rest in Norwood. I wish I could be there for a variety of reasons. It will be a long time before I experience any type of closure over my grandfather's death. Even now, it doesn't completely register unless I am reminded of it somehow, and I get really sad. It was a really tough winter and I'm not entirely sure that I wasn't on autopilot for some of the more painful aspects. I think the only conscious decision I made of any substance was to marry my soulmate.

Mike and I have officially been together for one year today. I opened my anniversary card this morning and hung it on the wall. That coupled with the hope of a phone conversation tonight is how I'm getting through what should originally have been one of the happiest days of my life. I thought I would be in a better frame of mind today, seeing as how I'm usually pretty upbeat and positive all the time. But that gets pretty tiring and at some point, your nerves get raw and exposed. I know I'm going to snap at people today for no reason. I know I'm going to get frustrated about foolish things that wouldn't normally bother me. And I know I'm going to leave work feeling, once again, that the Army has robbed me of something special.

I'm reminded daily of how blessed I am, especially when I see how my fellow human beings are living in this tragic country. I'll wake up tomorrow in a better mood and bounce out of my hooch on my way to work like I normally do. And hopefully, I'll have forgotten how melancholy I was the day prior.

I figure I'm allowed to have an off day.