Today was a pretty rough day. I dealt with a lot of issues that did not make me happy, and on this rare occasion, these issues really dampened my spirit. I was thankful for bible study tonight; we've been going through Phillippians, and this book is very relevant for our daily lives here at Fort Riley. Why? Paul was writing from prison, and sometimes that's how life feels here. But now I'm just whining, and that's not the point of my post tonight.

During silent prayer time, it occurred to me that what I need to pray most for was freedom from fear. And the scope of this prayer extended in directions I hadn't considered before.

Of course, I'm afraid, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I can't speak for all soldiers in this matter, but I can speak for myself. I wasn't afraid on my last deployment; maybe it was the perceived immortality of youth or the ego of an active duty soldier. I'm different now, and so is the situation. I have a husband for starters, and today I found out that the security in my area will change and not for the better. I'm not ready for heaven yet and I'm definitely not ready for somebody in a crisp uniform visiting my home and telling my husband and parents that I'm not coming back. So there, I said it. I'm scared.

Our families are afraid too, of that guy in his nice uniform paying them a visit on an otherwise normal day. They wonder if Easter will be the last time they see us. The phones and internet will inevitably go down for a few days due to technical difficulties, and they will wonder why we haven't called, and fear the worst. The unknown is so much more painful for them than for us; at least we'll be living it.

Law abiding Iraqi citizens are afraid. Today, an instructor quoted a young Iraqi man's outlook on his own life; he said he felt like he was "waiting in line for a ticket to die." Every day, they wonder if they will be at the marketplace that a suicide bomber selects for his martyrdom. They worry that today, their children won't make it home from school safely. They fear that when the Coalition forces leave, there will be no security for their new government and history will repeat itself in the fashion of a military coup.

And here's the kicker: insurgents are afraid. They fear that democracy and choices will mean the death of their version of fundamentalist Islam. They believe that Westerners are trying to kill their culture and group identity by poisoning the minds of the next Arab generation with liberal and immoral ideas.

It's amazing what we all have in common, isn't it? Tonight I'm praying for freedom from fear for the human race...and maybe world peace, too.